Eating “Fear” Foods

I never wanted to admit that I had a disordered relationship with food, but once I started to dive into healing with the support of my full body consciousness coach, I began to realize that my patterns with food were not “normal”.

In college when I started instructing fitness classes, I would do 1-2 workouts every single, fasted and with a Celsius in hand… PLEASE, never do this (take my word).

I started to put the two together, that the less I ate and more I moved, the faster my body began to change. I had been strength training and playing sports since I was 14 years old, so there was definitely muscle on my body.

Then once I was in my calorie deficit, I was losing the little fat I had and my muscle was showing more! This is what people like to call “being toned”.

The way that I was fueling my body was not in a healthy way. I started to constantly have a scarcity mindset when it came to food. I wrote down everything I ate at the end of my day in a journal; measurements, calories, carbohydrates, protein, fat… I was under 1400 calories every day. Also let me include that I would eat the same thing every day because I knew that it was helping me see results.

My love for peanut butter turned into powdered PB Fit, my 1/2 cup of oatmeal turned into 1/3 cup. Eating a whole banana? Absolutely not, only 1/4 each morning. Everything was controlled.

I was addicted to external validation. I thought that once I could get my body to look a certain way that everything would be better. If you can relate to this, please know that the size of your waist has literally nothing to do with how amazing you or your life is. God created you and he made you the way you are for a reason.

Now… don’t get me wrong I believe wanting to transform your health and get in shape is a great goal to have BUT not in the way that I was doing it.

The environment that I was in was not helping my situation at all. There was negative talk about food and being fat and not looking a certain way. I was the product of that toxic environment.

Over the past 2 years, I had to heal my relationship with how I move & nourish my body. This has been HARD. I do not count my macros or calories. I listen to my body. I fuel my body. I train fueled. I workout in positive places. I am kind to myself. Do I have hard days??? YES. I really struggle with my body image, almost every day. BUT I have my life back. AND I eat real peanut butter again, not the powdered sh*t.

As a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, I am fueling my body with real food. I am resistance training to build back up my muscle (I lost a lot of it when I was restricting my calories). I take care of my spiritual wellness just as much as my physical.

If there is one thing I have learned, Fitness is NOT Wellness. If you relate to any of this, please reach out. I am here for you. Xo.